Comedian Demetri Martin claims he has a super power that makes him invisible to bartenders. I personally admit when I approach a bar in any group or competitive situation, it is exceedingly rare that I turn out to be the most attractive or attention seizing person. I wouldn’t call it a power that I possess. No, far, far more often, I fail to garner the interest of whatever it is that causes paper towels to come out of the electronic dispensers in Disneyland Resort restrooms.
As far as I am aware, there is nothing unusual about the size of my hands. As far as I can glean from fellow hand washers, there is nothing specifically I am doing wrong. I use water, soap, more water, then when it comes time to retrieve a towel I get nothing. I understand the sensors can be finicky, while some simply don’t work at all. But, I will watch someone in front of me, with little effort, call forth veritable reams of paper. Then, when I approach the very same machine, it stands resolutely still and silent, as if broken.
I try waving my hands. I try holding my hands completely still. I try close, far, and in between. I will sneak up on a dispenser. More than once, to my shame, I have smacked the little box of insolence, hoping for a Fonzie-like result. All to no avail. On one occasion, upon witnessing my ridiculous ballet, a guest remarked my hands must be the wrong frequency.
Ridiculous. Right? Is that even possible? Would that truly make a difference? I know some people are more susceptible to bug bites than others, but is that a frequency thing? Could this be something similar? One offhand comment by some stranger, and now I can’t help wondering if I have some manner of electromagnetic deficiency.
I can’t be the only one. And, Disney is pretty good at fixing things. So it’s probably just a matter of time before Towel Dispenser Mark II, or whatever model is upcoming, makes its way throughout the resort. Until then, if you see someone in the restroom who appears to be having a one-sided sign-language conversation with the paper towels, ignore him. At the very least don’t make some medical or metabolic comment. Even if it’s not accurate, you’ll just make me nervous.